As homeschooling parents we know all too well that school is not easy for all of our children.  This does not imply that a particular child is lacking intelligence or the ability to learn; it simply means that for some, learning may require a lot of effort.

That was true for one of my sons.  School was always a challenge for him.  He learned and always met or exceeded the standard, but getting there was a hard, difficult journey.  Couple this with the fact that my son was also highly driven and perfection-minded and you’ve got the making of a homeschool high school horror movie!

High school by its nature is hard, as it should be.  It shouldn’t be a cake-walk.  It should present appropriate challenges for every level of learner.  But I’m not going to sugarcoat it:  high school was really, really hard – especially math and science.  (I saw some of you shaking your heads in agreement.) Oh, the days we cried during math (literally). The year we repeated Algebra 2.  The times I explained gerunds, infinitives, and participial phrases over and over and over again.   The days of tiptoeing through writing revisions because my son didn’t want correction.  The refusal to ask for help and the inability to examine errors in order to facilitate learning. So much frustration.  So much angst.  So much worrying about what in the world post high school life would look like for my son.  I felt it, but I knew that he felt it too.

It was a conversation that we needed to have:  what do you see yourself doing after school?  He was adamant about the fact that he did not want to attend college.  The thought of four more years of school was something he would not entertain.  I understood.  So, we talked about his strengths – his detail-orientated nature, his meticulous accuracy, his striving to have things just so, his interest in how the body works. We talked trades, and welding caught his attention. So, we signed him up for a welding course in our town’s continuing education program.  He went once a week at night and really enjoyed it.  He did well.  Following that a dear friend of ours worked with our son to show him more about welding and provided some hands-on instruction and training.  Our son liked it so much he went all out and purchased welding gear:  a helmet, gloves, and apron.  His mind was set.  He was going to pursue welding after high school.

I felt a huge sigh of relief.  For one, we had a clear direction, and secondly, and in complete honesty, I didn’t have to work through college prep work or SAT readiness.  It was like a huge weight was lifted off of both of us. So we went into the summer of my son’s senior year breathing fresh air.

At the conclusion of my son’s junior year, our family moved to Virginia.  My husband took a job at a local university.  It was a huge blessing for our family as college for our children would be paid for.  After we got ourselves settled, I began to prepare for my son’s senior year. I wanted to end our time together on a good note. My son and I got along well – there were no issues there.  I wanted him to actually find some joy in learning. So, I did something really against my nature:  I didn’t plan.  Instead, I thought and prayed.  That senior year we spent time reading Charles Dickens novels together.  Oh, the wonderful conversations we had about Pip and Estella.  We lamented the sorrows of David Copperfield.  We studied anatomy and physiology and nutrition.  We cooked together.  We breathed fresh air. It was good.

And then Covid came.

One day in February my son asked if we could talk.  I could tell it was something potentially troubling just by his tone.  So, we sat, and I listened.  “I don’t think I want to do welding.”

Oh boy.

I asked him to explain his thinking, to be honest, and tell me why.  As he spoke, he explained that he chose welding because he was good at it but mostly because he didn’t think he would be able to do anything else.  I think I sucked back tears at this point. My mind was spinning as he was talking –  all those years that I had tried to be patient, loving, encouraging, and his biggest cheerleader – did he not hear it, see it, or feel it?.  So many times I told him he could do anything.  I tried to disspell his self-proclaimed myth that he was dumb over and over again.  I prayed with him, lifted him up, and loved on him over and over again.  And yet he still felt less than. It broke my heart.

I told my son that I was glad that he had come to this conclusion when he did and that it was all right.  I remember exactly what I asked him next: “I am going to ask you a question.  I don’t want you to think long and hard. I want your knee jerk reaction. Don’t think about finances.  Don’t think about classes.  Don’t think about obstacles.  If you could do anything for a job what would it be?”

I kind of held my breath.

“I want to work with athletes.  I want to train football players.”

“Ok, let’s figure it out.” And we did.

We talked about what that would mean.  It would mean college. The SAT.  It would mean all the things that we didn’t prepare for in high school because I didn’t think we needed to.  It was February – during Covid. So, we looked at the majors at the local university.  We examined what majors made sense and then looked at the course loads.  I saw words like kinesiology, physiology, statistics, research, four anatomy classes, biomechanics, and periodization. All science and math classes – exactly the areas we struggled in. “Really, Lord? He wants to go into a science field?” I didn’t verbalize what I was thinking, but man oh man, the thoughts I was thinking. And I was reminded: in my weakness, He is strong. In my son’s weaknesses, He will be strong.

And with that we haphazardly applied to the university and scheduled my son to take the SAT on the first Saturday in March. We did some basic prep work in the few weeks we had prior to the test.  I told my son not to stress because he would have enough time to take it one more time if needed.  He was strong in grammar, writing, and comprehension so I told him to really focus on doing well in those areas and to simply try his best in the math portion.

So, he took his test, and then, on the next Monday, the Educational Testing Service cancelled the remaining SAT dates for the rest of the spring due to Covid. There would be no second test for my son.  It would be a one and done SAT experience for him. His SAT results were a mixed bag: he did well on the grammar/English/comprehension portion but struggled in the math areas.  The score was the score and it would have to do. Now we waited to hear from the university.

About a week or so later, we received a box in the mail.  I knew what it was because I remember my older son receiving the same box.  I handed it to my son and told him to open it.  It was an acceptance letter and a congratulatory t-shirt.  My son was all smiles.  We celebrated.  But as he continued to read his acceptance letter, he saw words like ‘probationary’ and ‘caution’.  We sorted it out and saw that he was accepted with academic caution.  He would need to take a few extra classes – one in math and one for college planning.  My son was not happy about this, but God knew exactly what my son needed and had orchestrated these extra classes as part of His divine providence.

The fall semester began, and my son started his classes.  I told my son that I would be there to help him but that he would now need to take the initiative to ask and seek help when needed.  I also told him that he would need to rely on his professors more than me.  There would be plenty that I would not know. He was very apprehensive about the remedial math and planning classes he would need to take.  His planning class turned out to be a great class for him.  It helped him organize himself, set priorities, establish good habits, and take responsibility for his work.  He had a great professor.

And let’s talk about the math class. His professor was literally sent by God.  She was kind and patient.  My son was in her office weekly.  She also met with him almost every Sunday night via Microsoft Teams.  She was a great instructor but more importantly, she was just a wonderful, kind person.  My son earned an A in that class.  We celebrated.

My son did an amazing job that first semester. He learned that it was OK to ask for help – something he refused to do in high school.  He saw that too much pride is a stumbling block to learning and achieving and that admitting that you don’t know something is not a sign of weakness at all. There were lots of life lessons to be learned during those first few months.  And with the conclusion of the first semester, academic caution was removed, and my son was free to fly.

The following semesters would present more math classes, but again, my son had the most amazing professor to guide him through.  He would begin his science classes.  His first anatomy and physiology class was intense.  I was part of the university’s parent group and would read about other students who were failing the class, were taking it for the third time, and struggling.  I just prayed and watched.  I watched as my son took responsibility for his work.  He studied for hours on end and worked harder than I had ever seen him work before. I can’t remember exactly, but I think he received a B in that class.  I was thrilled for him. That semester he learned that a B is OK, something he would have never accepted in high school. The Lord was working on my son’s heart and chipping away at the areas that needed refining.  We all have those areas.

With each subsequent semester, I would watch as my son became more independent, more responsible, more at ease, and more grounded.  He was not only making his way through college, but he was excelling. And as those hard science classes came, he took them in stride, worked hard, put in the time, and completely rocked every single class.  I was witness to an amazing transformation, and it was such a delight to this mom’s heart. It was all totally a God thing.

After his first year, he decided to apply to become an intern with the university’s football team.  He was not accepted.  I know that was disappointing for him.  In the past he would have been prone to anger and would have given up any hopes of trying again.  But the following year the football coach left and took most of the coaching staff with him.  One coach remained at the university.  I encouraged my son to reach out to him again.  He would need workers since there were currently no staff.  He reached out, went in for another interview, and was brought onboard.  That would be the beginning of a three-year stint with the football team.  I wish that I could say that it was a great environment to be in; it was not.  I would cringe as he would tell us what went on behind the scenes – the language, the violent and offensive music, and other things.  Even though he was at a Christian university, he had a rough road to travel.  He had to learn that it was OK to be different than the world, that it was OK to be standing alone, and that you still needed to be Christlike in an environment that was not.  That stance made him the butt of jokes, and he received his fair share of needling and harassment, but the Lord continued to work in him.  The Lord used everything for His purpose in my son’s life.  It was a transformation happening before my very eyes.

With graduation approaching, I took a ride up to my local Costco.  It’s an hour drive each way.  I spent the first hour talking to the Lord about my son and his college experience.  I reflected on where he had been in high school and where he was now.  I recounted every time that the Lord had clearly opened the doors for my son, every time He had threaded the needle, every time He had made His plan evident.  That afternoon I spent an hour crying tears of joy and thankfulness to God for all that He had done. Our God is a transformative God.  He seeks to take the broken parts of us and refashion them.  He works from a place of love.  He tenderly guides, abundantly provides, and lavishly floods us with His strength amid our weaknesses.

Homeschooling parents – don’t doubt, don’t despair.  I know some days are hard – some years and seasons are hard.  I know some of you have cried the same tears that I have cried in the past.  Tears of worry, regret, angst, and discouragement.  I have been there.  As homeschoolers we control so much of our children’s lives, but at some point (better early rather than later) we need to relinquish that sense of control over to God.  We need to be good stewards of the responsibility He has given us.  We need to be diligent, but we also have to accept the fact that the Lord writes the testimonies of our children.  We don’t.  We should not be the main character in their testimonies; God should.

Before any of you think to praise me or tell me what a good job I did,  please know, that while I took my responsibility as mom and teacher very seriously, I failed in many ways.  I was inadequate is many areas.  My sons can and will confirm this. It is very freeing to admit that you are inadequate.  I know that it goes against our nature.  But in order to truly hand over your schooling efforts to the Lord you must admit it.

Way back when my sons were in elementary school a more seasoned homeschooling mom gave me some very simple but sage advice.  She told me to work diligently as a mom and teacher, to do the things I could, but to trust God to fill in all of the gaps.  At that time, I still was pretty prideful; I thought that I could and would fill in all the gaps on my own.  But with time I realized that I couldn’t do it all; there were gaps.

Homeschooling is hard, but it is also so good. Now on the other side, I can look back and really appreciate the journey. My best advice to you current homeschooling moms and dads is this:  pray, trust the Lord, be diligent, set aside pride, resist the urge to boast, teach to the heart not just the mind, and let the Lord work. Plan for tomorrow and the years to follow high school, but do not worry about those years. Raise children who know the Lord as Savior and are keen to His leading in their lives.

This past weekend it was one of my greatest joys to watch my son graduate Magna Cum Laude with a BS in Exercise Science.  On Mother’s Day I cried as I read his card.  He thanked me for praying for him, listening to him, and for being his biggest cheerleader.

The Lord has done great things.